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[Dec. 29th, 2020|12:23 am] |
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[Dec. 10th, 2011|08:24 am] |
So I made up my mind to let you go. Took back all the words I have said before. Your replies hurt me alot, but it somehow makes me more determined to get it over. I believe you are not the one for me. Even if we really end up together, doubt we will be happy together. It's a really tough decision that I have made. Maybe this decision is partly made because of all my guy friends. I don't want to disappoint xueyong they all. I dont want them to ignore me if I really end up being with you. Wanted to tell you this dilemma but I doubt you can understand. Maybe it's because of this, I realized friends are much more important to me and I don't want to lose you as my friend. Yes, no doubt, yesterday was great. I enjoyed myself so damn much traveling around with you. Like the feeling that you gave me. You make me feel so secure, I don't need to care where am I going cause you will bring me there. You make me happy cause we had so much to talk about. You make me feel loved whenever you protect me. You make me feel so blessed and I love that feeling. Never regret knowing you as a friend, but perhaps, it's a mistake falling for you. Life is such a bitch. Took 3 years to forget one and now I have to face this shit. Who understands? Nah, honestly nobody does. Just like how i don't understand some others predicaments. I guess only we know it best, can't expect everyone to put themselves in our shoes. But I'm really thankful for all the advices that my friends have given me cause it certainly helped me to go back to the right track. I know they care for me and I really
appreciated it so much. Elizabeth needs to grow up. Elizabeth needs to be more mature. Elizabeth needs to stop liking you.. |
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[Oct. 17th, 2011|08:24 pm] |
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Hi livejournal. I'm back. 20 more days to alevels. Super not prepared I swear!! :( damn worried I rly don't want go sim!! Something is bothering me so much this few weeks. Surprisingly, it's not about the same guy anymore who had been flooding my mind for the past 3 years. I've moved on. But perhaps it's isnt a good thing :( I don't understand why you can go back on your words A. I think I have really fallen for you, thinking about you every single night. Wishing that you will mean that you like me and take back all the hurtful words. I don't want to lose you, may not know you long but the feeling is just too strong. Why must you do this to me man. Wo nan de move on yknw, :( super like the feeling when I'm with you cause you make me feel really comfortable (: I miss you A. I'm willing to wait till after alevels but your silence is killing me inside. Don't do this to me. I don't want hear the hurtful truth. Please come back. |
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[Jun. 23rd, 2011|09:32 pm] |
Hi my dear diary. The only reason why I'm back here ranting cause I'm currently feeling quite down. Everything doesn't seem to be going on smoothly. Wanted a place to pen down all my thoughts so I decided to come back here. Just let me be, tyvm.
Was using Facebook that day and got reminded that it's just 139 days to the start of the nightmare-Alevels. Am I prepared to fight this monster? The answer is a clear cut no. This holiday doesn't feel like one. Not at all. After two weeks of extended lessons, I'm left with two weeks of mugging. Been going out everyday except for today. Maybe that's why I'm so free to think about nonsense and it incites me to blog now! On a happier note, at least I meet up with some of my loved ones. Meet up with hweeling and Muanting, 108 outing, out with per and lf, studying with xq and Clar, and also catch up with jas and fk. a pity we still haven't had a proper sisters outing this June. Hopefully everyone will be free on sherry's bday though. Okay, that was quite sidetrack. But anyway, I went to visit granny at the hospital that day and after that had lunch with aunt. She told me ' worst comes to worst, go sim or overseas bah.' yep, I know there are alternative routes for me if I don't do well. I know my parents aint pressurizing me, in fact not at all. This makes me feel the need to perform well for alevels. I don't wish to see their disappointed faces. Which explains why I feel quite stressed up sometimes. But despite all this, I feel that I'm not studying hard enough, seriously. Compared to olevels, I think I studied more back then... And I still got a lousy r5, ended up in this screwed up yjc which I hope it won't screw up my future pls. How? I'm regretting not concentrating eberytime when I'm studying. SMS went to 7034 last month, which was mad alot I know. Idk what I'm doing :( even mr Ng said he wants confiscate my phone already. I must control myself, promise not to exceed 3000 this month! And as usual I have been complaining alot about yjc this year. I think sisters have a hard time enduring all my rants so sorry about it but I just can't control myself :( I hate this place so much that I can't wait to get out of Yj. Everything about the school sucks. Okay maybe some of the friends are really nice I admit. But maybe is that few that are making my life so miserable. Please, end this. 29 November I'm waiting. After which I'm never ever going to enter that place. I guess nobody can understand why I hate that place so damn much... It's giving me so much pain I swear. Never feel so dreadful about something before. But whwho can I blame? Nobody but myself.my bad for not doing well enough to enter nyjc. My bad for not going for the co interview. It's all my fault. Forget it. This will be over soon.
Enough of that. Recently I got to know that someone whom I used to be quite close to has just got attached to a pretty girl. No doubt I'm feeling quite sian about it. But again, I can blame no one but myself ;( it's my fault to give you false hopes. I know you are a wonderful guy. Like almost perfect, in fact is someone I'm looking for. This few years, even though there are a few guys who confessed before but I don't give a damn at all. Except for you. You are the first guy that I'm afraid that I will hurt you :/ not sure if I really did hurt you in the end, but at least I enjoyed that few months of chatting with you every night.. Dk what went wrong and we dint get together in the end. Maybe is the past that was holding me back. I don't like this feeling. Which makes me wonder when will I ever move on.. So many ppl has moved on with their lives, including you. But what about me? I'm still stucked here, at the spot. Waiting for the impossible. Hate myself so much for this :( thankfully sisters are all not attached except for Previn, else I will feel damn lonely. I think honestly I might be the last to be attached among all of them. But whatever it is, I hope all and everyone of them will find someone that they truly love. Xq has done it an in fact crazy over him alr. Haha. No doubt I don't really fancy that guy. Oh wait I realized after this 3 years, I have become easily jealous. Dint realize this when I had a boyfriend last time. So I guess I can't take it if my bf is very close with girls now :( this is bad. Used to think I can be a very understanding girlfriend. Sigh. I think my life will be much better if I'm single, like how it is now. Sometimes hanging out with a group of guys can be quite carefree. Cause there's always so much laughter with them and I like the feelings. Also, some of them can give me really good advices that girlfriends may not know too. But of course, my girlfriends are still better la. This is abrupt but my show is starting now. Bye. Thanks kukubites for hearing me out. |
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[Dec. 25th, 2010|02:53 pm] |
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MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL! ;) Christmas eve was well spent with my favourite people in my life! (; laifong pervin and fangkai. Without them, I doubt I have the motivation to move on. I thank them for always being by my side! Oh well, it's another year of lonely Christmas. Lonely as in don't have someone special in my heart to celebrate with! It has always been this way. Yahlah, I'm pretty used to it but somehow will feel that tinge of loneliness you know! Fml. I miss you terribly today. :( not even a wish from you. Bet you've never thought of me this few months. Kk I should stop being emo on Christmas alr! On a lighter note, going out for dinner with fam later! BYE PEOPLE, HAVE FUN! |
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[Dec. 22nd, 2010|08:09 pm] |
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SURPRISE! Don't go OMG! I know I haven't been updating this dead blog for months! I just had this sudden urge blog, I dont know why. Perhaps cause 2010 year is ending and I thought I should blog about my thoughts etc! Hehe. I'm pretty sure nobody still chance upon this dead bog anymore. I'm so sorry kukubites for neglecting you for such a long time! It feels good to be blogging using phone, maybe I should blog more often next year! Omg next year, I swear I'm dreading 2011 alot. Alevels- the thought of this word puts me off totally. But then again, I should think on a brighter side right, since 2010 passed by so fast, 2011 should pass by pretty fast as well! :) well, frankly. 2010 has been a rather eventful year for me. Remember early this year I was crying alot and complaining about me going YJC. Till now, no doubt that I am still sad about staying in YJC. Of course, I don't hate it as much as I do initially already. It's true that yj teachers are good. Also, I'm rather contented with my promos results so this is one of the few times when I'm actually glad that I came to yjc(; why, because at least I can promote without taking any sub papers! You know I was overly worried about promoting to j2. Now that this worry is over, here comes the monster that is scaring everyone off! Sad much! Another blessing is that at least going Yishun can meet my bestfriend more often and can study together! :) actually, coming yjc is not a bad choice if I don't keep thinking about those negative stuffs like the smelly toilets and small school compound. But you know what? I dint make many new friends in yjc. Mostly are friends that I already know in cchy. Maybe I've become anti social?:/ hahaha. Good also, save trouble! Hehe. Despite this, I strongly still think that my life will be much better if I'm in nyjc instead. I could have saved alot of my precious time travelling. Okay, I better stop ranting else it will never stop! One more year to go, I've already endured one year, what's more for another year? I hope I will leave yjc without disliking it so much anymore? :/ I have to learn to take things in stride and accept the fact. Okay, this is so random but I've to stop here! Going out now! Hehe. Going accompany brothers to their sec schs tml! Excited much. Marist stella high school and xinmin sec! Hehehe. Bye kukubites, I will come visit you again soon!^^ |
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[Aug. 8th, 2010|12:19 am] |
Today started out to be a boring at first, but it was nice watching Inception with Jh and Xq at night! Although i only understand like 50% of the plot, but i just enjoyed the movie ;) Lucky jh was nice to analyse the plot for me! Halfway during the college day ceremony, we managed to sneak out and went to eat laksa! :D
Speaking of which, im feeling really hungry now. I ate my dinner at 4plus5 okay!
This national day holidays doesnt feel like a holiday at all!! Sooooooooo many homework yet so little time! Not understanding the topics make it worse :/
( i can hear my stomach growling, omg. )
This is random but i really cannot stand my sister at times!! She dont study, she's rude, she's vulgar, she's irritating, she's lazy, and she makes me feel sad at times. I think mum is giving her too much freedom, i dont recall myself reaching home at 10plus at age of fourteen, unless got special occasion la. But whats worse is that she hangs out outside in her school uniform. ;/ I hope, she will grow up, and be more mature. I hope she starts studying, you are the only hope now caroline. Please dont disappoint daddy and mummy can or not.
Another random thing, me fk sl and xq experienced something really scary at northpoint library a few days back! Okay, or rather, fk and sl experienced it. Freaked out totally. This reminded me of 1year plus ago, at some CO performance, something even worse than this happened. It was really terrifying. But at least i had you by my side, so caring. :C
Okay, shall go do PW now before going to bed! Goodnight! :D |
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[Aug. 2nd, 2010|11:42 pm] |
Hi. Im bored. So im here to blog. There's school tomorrow. Damn. I really dread going school, :C But on a lighter note, there's holidays from coming fri till next tues! Naise, i like :D But the sad case is that tests are coming up right after national day. :/ And that best friend is going genting, :CCCCCCCC going miss her so much!
I've decided, everyday after school, i will go library/cc/stay in school to study, till about night time thn go home! hehe. This reminds of last year, when i will always go study with my 'maos' family after schoool! :D I really miss those studying sessions, esp those weekends spent at tpy library with wonglaifong, pervinsim and clarissalim <3 Not forgetting going cheuktow's house after school to study with flowerkong, and her mummy will always cook nice soups for us, and her fruits are really sweeet! Naise :D
I know many people are saying this, but i've to say it again, 2010 really passed very fast!! Can you believe, its august alr! Honestly, i really dk what have i been doing for the past 7 months!!
National day is coming again. :( 080808. 2 years alr, goddamnit. why am i still stucked here? fuck leh seriously, T.T |
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[Jul. 18th, 2010|12:14 am] |
Im feeling fucking damn stressed right now. So many things come at one go. GPP final submission due next tues. Science week and investiture next week. Stupid stats module test nextnext tues ( i dont understand why so many ppl think that this chapt is crazy when i think its freaking damn hard! )
fyi, im not someone who can take stress one :C Little bit also tahan, so lousy~
Gotten back most of the results ( except for GP ). I can easily form a sentence using my grades.
USAC = United State of America is a Country! :/ Maybe, perhaps, my results wont be so cui if i've studied even harder. Really very disappointed in myself. I must, i have to buck up this term.Have to quit procrastinating alr!
I've been lying to myself all along, thinking that as long as i wait, it will be worthwhile. Im so wrong. One day, im going to laugh at myself and say ' chey, letting go is actually just so easy!! ' |
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[Jul. 6th, 2010|11:58 am] |
YO I THINK THIS WEEKEND WAS THE BEST FOR ME EVER SINCE SCHOOL STARTED YKNW, SERIOUSLY!
Now that i've to face the music tomorrow, shall enjoy myself to the fullest today rightzxzxzx, plus its YOUTH DAY! my day my day! ^^ Supposed to head out with clique but last min cancelled cause my dear laira cmi, so TOYSTORY later with bff! Life's goooody good! :D
Celebrate Sherry's bday with my awesome girls on friday night, it was a great dinner with them, remincsing our ugly past, laughing at all the silly and horrendous photos we took last time really got me laughing really hard. I love such nights, when i dont have to think about studies, and just have fun!
Been working @suntec with laira for the past 2 days, tiring but i had fun, esp with her company. Yknw what, i can click pretty well with her sister too, although she's one year younger than me but we think alike! hehehe. Daddy was nice to drive me home on saturday night so that we can watch the soccer match together! Niceeeee, i like!
Ohhhh and yknw what, i never pick up a pen to write any word since friday after 930am! Ohno, now i've got many articles to do. What the shit.
SHALL GO DO NOW BEFORE I CAN GO OUT! ;D
ps ; i hope miracles will happen and let me pass everything, but i know its really almost impossible, :/ this sucks. passing seems so difficult nowadays.
BYE PEOPLE, HAPPY YOUTH DAY! ^^
heyyou, you always appear at the wrong time. Build my hopes up again and tear it down totally. I really want to forget you and move on with someone else, tell me how am i going to do so now? fri, sigh ;/ |
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